How To Keep Your Divorce From Becoming Unpleasant
Life was good for thirty years. You married the love of your life, raised a beautiful family, and sent your kids off to college. Along the way you acquired a nice home, a vacation bungalow at the beach managed to buy that boat you always dreamed of, learned a second language and made many wonderful friends. You couldn’t have asked for anything better, but somewhere between sending the kids to college and preparing for your next chapter, you find that your marriage has crumbled and to your surprise, you’re now talking about divorce.
Maybe you’re a young couple that has only a few years in on this thing called marriage when you discover that your partner hasn’t been faithful, and it’s a bridge too far, something you just can’t make right.
You might be in a marriage that seems adequate, but you suddenly discover your life’s mission. You find yourself, so to speak, and finally, after years of searching, you know what you’re supposed to be in life. Maybe it’s a career move that takes you around the world. Maybe it’s an art passion that you’ve long neglected and is something you feel you have to do alone.
The aforementioned are but three of perhaps hundreds of thousands, maybe millions, of possible reasons why anyone, or any couple, choose to file for divorce. And of course, there are many reasons, darker reasons, that someone might decide to leave a marriage and file for divorce—from violence to drug and alcohol abuse, to child endangerment, etc. Everyone has their reason, and there should be no judgment. After all, we have but one life to live, and how we choose to live it is up to the individual; it’s not a group decision, although much care and consideration should be given when children are involved. And when a child’s safety is at risk, that requires immediate action to put the child into a safe environment, which could be immediate removal from home before you even file for divorce. The courts and police are there for you if this is the case, so always reach out for help if you or your children are in danger. Be safe. But beyond children, the decision to file for divorce is one that someone must make with their own heart and mind.
Now that you’ve decided to get a divorce, for whatever reason, you must consider how you want it to go. Will it be easy, meaning will your partner accept the news calmly? Maybe you’ve decided together, and the situation is amicable—the best scenario. But what if there are issues of violence, threats, or if your partner just simply won’t accept the fact that you’re leaving? There are of course many scenarios, and even if your partner is displeased, upset, or even angry, the divorce may still go smoothly. Not every displeased partner becomes violent, just the contrary, many couples are able to reach agreements in a calm manner, in spite of intense emotions they may be harboring within. You want to keep things calm. You want an easy split. You don’t want to go to war with your spouse nor do you want a Lake Bluff, IL divorce lawyer who thinks that war is the best option to achieve your goals and ‘get more stuff.’
As the old adage goes, ‘you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar,’ and this can certainly apply to divorce as well. But how do you avoid a combat scenario when there is some animosity lingering about?
Remember To Check Yourself, And Check Your Ego
Divorce isn’t easy. To have a smooth divorce proceeding you’ll need to plan ahead and you’ll need to maintain a healthy self-awareness. You’ll need to ask yourself what’s important to you most. A combat-style divorce battle, in court or out, with acrimonious back and forth banter may alienate some people who are on the sidelines watching, such as close friends and some family members. Remember, as the headline says, ‘check yourself and check your ego.’ Try to see things from your spouse’s perspective; we know it’s hard to do sometimes, but you must. It will only help you as you go, because the judge who presides over your divorce settlement may not see everything through the same lens you do. In short, they may not agree with your assessment of the facts and failures that led to your divorce’s necessity.
Hiring The Right Lake Bluff, IL Divorce Lawyer Can Make A Big Difference In The Outcome
How your divorce proceeding goes will be decided by multiple factors. Obviously, you and your spouse’s ability to ‘play nice’ and work things out amicably will be the biggest factor that decides whether your divorce will be smooth and easy—or… drawn-out, painful, and incredibly difficult (emotionally and financially). But make no mistake, the type of attorney you hire to counsel you and take you through the divorce process will be almost as important as the aforementioned. This is because a skilled, seasoned Lake Bluff, IL divorce lawyer will know how to frame the conversation, to position the items of consideration, and deliver critical information in such a manner that your spouse will feel respected and cared for through the process. Make sure your attorney understands your goals and how you want to accomplish them.
Choose Wisely | Ask Questions
Ask your attorney about the formal discovery process, such as written requests for documents, depositions, and written questions to your spouse. Discuss it all with your attorney and get a sense of how they are going to approach everything. Ask your attorney what percentage of their divorce cases end up in court. This will help you to understand if your attorney is the settling type or the ‘let’s go to battle’ type. And remember that ‘settling’ is not ‘giving in,’ but in fact, it simply means that the parties are willing to reach a fair and equitable settlement.
Also, remember that there are times when a couple simply cannot negotiate amicably and a court proceeding may be necessary. So weigh all of that information when you are considering your attorney’s ‘go to court’ percentage. Ask questions about past cases they took to court. They won’t be able to share specifics due to confidentiality agreements, but they can give you a generic overview of issues that may have arisen, and that could help you decide if they are the right Lake Bluff, IL divorce lawyer for you. And be sure to ask your attorney about their ability to reduce conflict and their experience with mediation—both being skills that you’ll want in a Lake Bluff, IL child custody lawyer or divorce lawyer.
Who you choose and why is crucial. And if at any time you feel that your attorney is not honoring your wishes, or making matters worse, consider your options. If you are able to discontinue the use of their services, you might be better served by another attorney. Every attorney has to go to law school and pass the bar, but beyond that, they are vastly different and finding the right one for you is perhaps your most important task.
For more information on the Unpleasant Divorce in The State of Illinois, a free consultation is your next best step. Get the information and legal answers you are seeking by calling (847) 234-4445 for your free consultation today.
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